I long for stretches of dependable stability, but that is not in the radar for what seems like the long term when I see what is in front of me. Which is OK and often exciting when your core believes in it. So, as my broken record seems to keep skipping, the deck of the ship is tossing about again violently and it's going to have to be faced.
It all comes down to priorities. When you shut your eyes and envision what you want...what appears? Are you on the top of a podium? Is that podium your race? Your pile of gold? Your heap of beautiful memories? My young family as you all read is with me on my top step, at the top with me of everything when my eyes are closed tight and I'm envisioning....and driving to do what's right to achieve that. My 'cross helps me get out the demons and ensures that health and drive for everything I love and what's important keeps my mind sharp to remember how to stay focused on that vision. It's a model I repeat weekend after weekend teaching me...or reminding me...how to continue driving. Acquiescence is the rule of the day which goes against my nature. I need to pull emotionally back and retreat from the fact that I am away for a week on end...or days in the middle of weeks...and that I can do only exactly what I can do. But I never, ever, categorically run or hide. I'd never compromise the core of the priorities I hold tight to when I see those I use as my example of what not to be continue to sweat and crumble and manipulate the slippery slope in such predictable and cliche'd fashion. So, for now, I pull back and smile and wait. Bottling it.
Home. Minutes away. I'll be home soon my family.
Photo by Blue Sky Velo's Ernest Schimpf