My friends at Cyclocross Magazine were kind enough to ask me to do an interview. I’m amazed that my opinion is valuable enough for people to read…and it still blows me away that people take time out of their busy days to come and read my rants here in z’blog. I wish I had more time to devote to it…
The interviewer, Kat Statman, was super thoughtful and very engaging. At the very end of his questions over the course of an hour he drops a bombshell on me…one that you can read in the interview. It amounted to: “Some people think you’re obsessed with trying to be a PRO and with the whole lifestyle. If you could change anything, your genetics, etc, would you have gone down that path?”
My first reaction to Kat was: “That is the stupidest fucking question I have ever heard.” But As I thought through it, my mind wandered to ‘why’ people would have that reaction out there in cyber-land. As I state in the response in the interview, I must be doing something completely wrong then if this is the impression I am casting. I think my response says enough, but I was still not left satisfied.
It takes a LOT to manage the teeter totter. I want people to understand that. And I want people to understand that it’s worth the work you need to put in…even when it feels like it’s unsustainable. Often seemingly suicidal to relationships and some of the ‘relax’ time many take in life. This 3-part teeter concept I mentally fabricated exists to keep all the good things in my life ‘balanced’. If I am happy, the family is happy and so are the consumers of my product and my co-workers. We all experience this…at least that is the impression I get from the roughly 10-15 emails I receive per week from around the world from awesome people trying to ‘get ‘er done’ like I am. They empathize with me and emote in reverse about the Herculean feats they need to go through to lead rich and satisfying lives. To be obsessed with a PRO lifestyle I could only envision means obsessing over me, me, me, me. Personal performance above all else. Weighing your food as your kid shoves his face with crap and your so called wife can only find love through Facebook while you “get the miles in.” And if that were the case, I’d be divorced, unemployed with children who viscerally hate me.
And that can’t happen.
And if I am mistaken as to the definition of “PRO lifestyle” and what others seem to think I chase, then you’re mistaken and wasting your fucking time envisioning something I am not. I am a 40 year old guy with the ‘good kind of obsession.’ Or so I try to ensure that is the case. I have no natural gifts. I struggle with weight. No one handed me a trust fund, nor did I win the lottery. I fucking worked my ass off for YEARS in the Bay Area until we had had enough and moved to Boulder to build a life for our children that would make them exceptional people. Structure and discipline are extremely hard for me when I am a creature who is trying to please everybody. I am a moderately fast old guy when I can train but above all, above everything, am desperately in love with the sport for all it has done to my health, my relationships and for my family.
If you want to geek out with me on how to revel together as we learn how to gulp from life’s chalice and cry when some is spilled and we’re left cleaning it up, then bookmark my site and come and find me at races and have a beer with me. Talk to me. I am you for chrissakes.
Else, your recourse is to not read my writings and to find something else to wind yourself up on.
I appreciate every one of you who read and comment everyday of my life. This site has changed my life.