The bikes are waiting. Just like me. I can do this. I'm mending, having the patience to breath, feel the breath and know that I can do this again. To try my best to be at the top. On the front. Making races.
The bikes can wait as I mend. I am so relaxed as I know what being hurt means and know what I need to do to heal. I have pushed aside all the drama that I seem to make with these ridiculous crashes and set backs. And I hate that. It's embarrassing. I want to have a clean run at my goals one of these years but maybe my path in life is to really and truly understand complications and know how to handle them for the time being. Maybe it is my goal to learn to deal with them not for bike racing...but for other things in life that need my resolute focus on 'overcoming.'
We hiked as a family today. My son says..."Dad, we're so lucky." And it was like the wind that the America's Cup sailors only dream of swept under me and stretched my eyes wide open as we wound ourslves through the single track in the woods. He continued as we hiked along..."I mean, I have these awesome friends and I love school and you and mom love each other and talk a lot together." That is verbatim. And that is better than the calcium that is knittng my bones together. It is this soulful wisdom that I needed to hear to correct my mind-wandering. To check my self and the rapid idiocy that can develop from self pity. Fuck that.
And that's it. That's all that there is. I am 41 and I want to win hard races...I want to win in business....I want us to win around the kitchen table...and thankfully we have everything we need and dream of as a family. Our health. Our friends. Our life here in Boulder our good food on the table and a path that is being set by nothing but love and confidence in each other as parents to our children....and children to their parents.
Everyone should snap a clavicle every now and again. I recommend it.