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Entries in Cheaters Suck (4)

Sniff Sniff | You know how this will all end, right?

I hate myself for liking Boonen. No, loving Boonen. I'm a tank like him (6'2" 180) and always empathize with the big men who have to suffer like pigs when the terra firma tilts up and the waif's float away. God help them when the land flattens out again...

Anyways, oops, he did it again. The boy's definitely got a problem. This is not recreational use (WTF does that mean anyways) in my opinion and the fact he's turning to blow again...after what all thought was a rad and remarkable step back up to the peloton's 'top step' after his Roubaix win this year and with it erasing all that bad in his past from his first cocaine bust...

So how's it going to end?

It's all going to end up on Belgian reality TV. Probably right after Wellens and Me re runs or that crappy show about the Planckaerts. I can see it now: It'll be about a struggling Boonen, all bloated, working in a factory being managed by Ludo Dierckxsens, as he tells tales about depression and pressure and....(insert the 'where are they now?' TV show play book from VH1 here).

Pressure? Try growing a family, Boonen. Get laid off and push hard to continue supporting your family. Try maintaining some self respect and salvage the respect little kids have for you in Belgium while they read your own comic book.

Hit the buy now button folks...

Weak

That is exactly what I'm calling Piti's weak-ass sock selection. What sport is this? Tennis? Shit even tennis players are wearing real socks these days and not the ankle panties Valverde is sporting. I CAN'T STAND IT! And now I'm seeing all these euro-fools go low on the sock. It reminds me of that scene in Good Morning Vietnam when the bartender is telling Robin Williams how he loves the curve of the soldiers ankles in their combat boots. But I digress on that tip. Weak. I think hey should all just go back to wearing the pom-pom ankle socks my sister wore in '82.

So let's inspect some style. Who else to go to but our main anti-doping advocate and style maven, Geoff Kabush. OK, so he's Canadian, but I won't hold that against him (D'oh! Kidding Kabush!). But seriously, this is 2007 and there is style to be applied to your ride.

Let's study this pic for a bit shall we? Here we have Geoff killing it in some race recently. I think Park City. Anywhoo, Geoff has embraced 2007. Note the white saddle. I guaran-frickin-tee you he's got white grips under those hands. Any self respecting bike style junkie's got to match the saddle and the grips (mtb)/tape (road). C'mon! You're squirming in your chair right now wasting time reading this blog 'cause you agree. Shoes: White. C'mon! You know you want white shoes. You need white shoes you bitches.

And the piece de resistance? You know it: Brandon's Limited Edition, 6" Tall boy PINK Doper's Suck socks with stylish T-Mobile Magenta embroidery . Made just in time for Bjarne's confession AND the Giro! What timing! They're just high enough to be uncool, just low enough to be rad. Balance. Don't be weak. Say no to ankle panties.

Kabush photo from CyclingNews

 

Horse cockey

What a week in cycling. I love our sport.

  • QuickStep employees found with hoards of banned substances
  • Frankie "The EPO was for my Dog" VandyB tries to off himself
  • Flandis gets schooled by Shonny (right on!) but the real news is why the F he's even racing.
  • And the piece de resistance: A local Boulder-area cycling CLUB has rumors of 3 of their CAT 4's (that is category 4 as in beginner) using HGH and talking about it....HA! (and I am not joking here). And yes, while I don't want to be at the center of the local sewing circle, I just had to vent this as I about shit myself when I heard it.

What a frigging joke. I don't know whether to race any more or ride for the pleasure. It's embarrassing to have conversations with family, coworkers...basically people in my life that know I race bikes who don't know much about cycling...and have them ask me about all this nonsense and why I bother doing it. And they're getting all their news from the reputable New York Times which is at the top of the news food chain (and thus hard to write off as tabloidism)....and which SLAMS our sport fairly articulately as a total joke. Paramount to WWF.

List of NYT cycling articles here)

OK, I promised I wouldn't politic or posture on this blog, but it's too hard now. What kind of pricks will I be lining up with who are so obsessed with themselves and their egos that they'd dope in the 35 Opens (or Cat 4's as it were...) against a bunch of other worker-bee/dad types. Fast worker be/dad types but COME ON! We're talking about dudes who are out there to let the rage out from their real lives like job pressures, family....whatever....and are there for the total joy of competing weekend in and out doing the best they can (hopefully on bread and water) and not trying to get an edge on a bunch of other old farts for the glory of winning a 24 pack of Gu and some bull shit schwag.

Hang 'em all.

Cheaters suck. You retards should go re-think your pathetic lives.

Cheat, Cheat. Never beat.

Cheat, cheat...never beat. Or so says my boy B-dub's slogan on his now worldwide creed of DOPERS SUCK. Basso. What a p.o.s. I will discard my copy of Overcoming even though I love watching Jensy lay wood to the peleton.

Reading the news about Basso 'working' with the Puerto investigators to "relieve his conscience", I immediately went up stairs and brushed off the dust from my extremely limited Operation Puerto t-shirt (3 were made) and will wear it with pride. I put it away because it looked like this thing was a witch hunt. The design is hilarious and was done by my boy Ted at Anthem for (very) personal reasons, not for distribution.
Having Valverde in there as well was pretty prophetic too given the latest announcement. Here's another one of the shirts in action:

This boring waste of everyone's time has got to end. And yes, the pessimist in me says there'll be another wave of some new form of cheating but still my larger optimist side says the Slipstreams of the world will dominate. You didn't hear it from me but rumor has it that a very famous doper-come-clean rider who wears a distinctively yellow kit this season will be moving to the Argyle clad team for 08 to enable a Pro Tour slot and a ride to Le Grande Boucle.

But what do I know?

Dopers suck. Cheaters suck. My sons will know the difference.